Do Not Disturb
by Technophobia678
Summary: The team learns a valuable lesson about letting tired caffeine deprived Detective's lie…


Do Not Disturb

The team learns a valuable lesson about letting tired caffeine deprived Detective's lie…

I've no idea where this came from; it spiralled out of control on a bus journey. I should be working on other stories and here I am doing silly, nonsensical oneshots. Anyway, voila. Set during season two around the time Nell comes in.

X

Deeks choked on his coffee and almost spat it back in his mug.

"What the hell is this?" Deeks stared at the dark brown lifesaving gift from God liquid with horror.

"It's coffee Deeks" Kensi said slowly and clearly as if addressing a particularly slow child. She used that tone quite a lot with her blonde partner.

"I know what coffee is Kensi. This is not coffee" Deeks looked at the coffee pot and then back at the cup in his hands. "Here try it" he held out the cup.

"No thanks" Kensi grimaced and stayed where she was.

"What's wrong with him?" Sam eyed Deeks as he entered the office area, Callen following him.

"Too many things to mention" Kensi sighed and turned back to her computer.

"I already know that; I'm wondering what's got his panties in a twist right now" Sam dropped into his chair.

"I've drank a lot of coffee in my life, including the swill they serve at the station. This" he held out the cup away from him looking revolted "is not coffee. I don't know what the hell it is."

Callen came over and took the mug off him. He sniffed the brown liquid in question before taking a cautious sip. Almost immediately his face twisted.

"Decaf" Callen handed the cup back with a grimace.

"Decaf?" Deeks repeated incredulously. "Seriously? Why is there decaf in the coffee pot?" increasingly bewildered he swung round to the coffee area. "Who in their right mind would drink coffee with no caffeine in it?"

"It's good for you" Kensi said fairly, though inwardly she agreed.

"So are fruit and veg Kens and you threatened to shoot me when I brought fruit bars to a stakeout instead of doughnuts and Twinkies" Deeks retorted, tilting the mug to peer into it.

"Who refilled the coffee pot?" Callen asked going over to it to inspect the almost full pot.

"I did" the team jumped as their tiny lethal ninja boss appeared behind Kensi's chair.

"You ah, put decaf in it" Deeks said hesitantly to Hetty, his indignation not daring to present itself to his seriously scary boss.

"Yes I did Mr Deeks" Hetty smiled.

Collectively the team felt a sense of foreboding.

"Why?" Callen asked his eyebrows raised, dread beginning to form in his mind. This could not end well.

"Because Mr Callen my agents drink far too much caffeine" Hetty pointedly looked at Callen and Deeks, the worst offenders, before allowing her gaze to rove over her team. "Large intakes of caffeine can have adverse effects on health and general fitness. I am not above interfering in my agents lives if they require it."

Deeks stared at their boss, looking completely and utterly bewildered. "But"

"Decaf is a perfectly acceptable and healthier alternative to coffee Mr Deeks. Be grateful I haven't just supplied you with tea. Though why you would prefer that awfully bitter beverage instead of a good cup of tea is beyond me" she said with a sniff.

"Now make haste, we have a case" she walked off.

Sam and Kensi exchanged rueful glances, grimacing at each other. Callen stared after Hetty incredulously while Deeks stared at the cup in his hand, looking as though his dog had died.

X

A week later….

"Where's Deeks?" Callen asked tiredly as he walked into the office.

"I don't know" Kensi yawned, her jaw cracking audibly. "His phone went to voice mail."

Callen sighed and took a fortifying gulp of coffee. There had been a sizable increase in funds allocated to coffee runs in the last seven days. None of them had been desperate enough to brave the decaf sitting tauntingly outside the office area…yet.

"Well try again" Callen ordered sighing, resisting the urge to rub at his eyes. Finding himself at the office at 4.15am to respond to a sudden lead in an arms cache was worse than he expected. The lack of readily available caffeine was beginning to get to him.

Kensi and Sam had born the new transition reasonably well; Kensi a little grouchier than normal and raiding the vending machines with never before seen levels of vigour. Sam didn't seem greatly affected; clearly relying on some sort of SEAL training or was just completely immune to caffeine withdrawal. Callen had been sorely tempted to throttle him at several points this week.

It didn't help that they were sloughing through a stalling case that didn't look likely to end anytime soon unless they caught a break. Callen had already been helpfully informed by his partner that he looked like the walking dead two days ago. He was starting to feel like it too and his temper was steadily getting worse as the case progressed. Catnaps and coffee were what he lived on, he couldn't just adapt to the sudden shortage of caffeine. He was actually sleeping less than when he did before the coffee crisis and his mood could be politely described as 'grumpy'. He'd already snapped at Nell who had the misfortune of being far too awake and cheerful in his presence yesterday and almost broke Sam's nose when his partner shook him awake in the car during the stake out at the docks. Eric was avoiding him with alacrity after an unfortunate incident with the man's glasses and Hetty appeared to mysteriously vanish whenever Callen attempted to track her down to argue his case against the coffee embargo.

Kensi pulled out her phone again just as they rounded the corner to their desks.

"Never mind" Kensi stopped her phone poised towards her ear. "Found him."

Their liaison officer was slumped over his desk, his head and arms on the table, snoring. The only thing was visible was his blonde hair, the rest of upper body draped over the desk.

Kensi snorted and put her phone away.

"Morning" Sam rounded the corner, giving the sleeping Detective a baleful stare before joining the other two standing by their desks.

"Long time no see" Callen tilted his head toward the last member of the team. "How long's he been like that?"

"Since I've been here" Sam snorted as Kensi stealthily approached her partner smirking. "Didn't even move when Eric and Nell came in." His tone was disapproving.

Kensi leaned over her partner's desk, grinning mischievously. Deeks didn't react to her presence which surprised Callen; he had thought Deeks to be a fairly light sleeper. Clearly Callen was not alone in his withdrawal.

A proud product of Los Angles law enforcement, Deeks lived off of caffeine like other people lived off water. The man had been getting twitchier as the case wore on, noticeably so. He had been raiding the vending machines almost as much as Kensi and had already been banned from drinking Red Bull and Monster three days ago.

"Bad trade craft" Sam said under his breath as he watched Kensi scrutinise her partner. Callen smirked and drank more coffee.

Eric came trotting down the stairs, his hair looking a little worse for wear than normal, a new set of spectacles on his nose, looking far too chipper so early in the morning, clutching a can of Red Bull. He was also, Callen noticed with apprehension, carrying a hand held air horn.

"Hey guys got the Intel up in Ops" Eric casually hiked a thumb over his shoulder.

"What are you doing with that?" Kensi asked warily, eyeing the horn.

"Just a little lesson in awareness in your surroundings" Sam said casually, easily moving towards the stairs waiting for the scene to unfold.

Callen bit back a laugh and reluctantly made his way after him. Kensi hesitated before backing way carefully, looking torn between the humour and partner loyalty.

Eric carefully put his can on Sam's desk and positioned himself close to Deeks head. Kensi cringed.

The noise shattered the quiet like a bull raging through a china shop and nearly made Callen flinch.

The results were spectacular. The sleeping Detective erupted from his desk, going from sound asleep to ready for action in an instant. The Tech Operator let out a high pitched shriek as one hundred and seventy five pounds of cop unerringly lunged for him, one arm going straight for his throat and slammed into him, shoving Eric to the ground. Pinning him to the floor by the throat with one hand, the other went straight for his gun at the back of his jeans.

By this time, the team were there; Callen's coffee falling to the ground in his haste.

"Deeks stop!"

"Deeks!"

Deeks's head snapped up, azure eyes staring up uncomprehendingly at Callen and Kensi who were the closest to him, his gun drawn and inches from Eric's face.

"Deeks" Callen said slowly, arms out nonthreateningly, waiting for the other man to recognise him. "Let Eric go."

Deeks blinked owlishly at him.

"Mr Deeks" a deep authoritarian voice caught Deeks attention; his eyes swung round to his diminutive boss who was surveying the scene in the bullpen with disapproval. Behind her Nell was staring wide eyed at the sight, clutching an Ipad against her chest. "Please get off Mr Beale."

The words seemed to finally penetrate his brain and Deeks looked down to the man he was still straddling.

He blinked. "Eric?" Deeks said slowly, peering down at the Tech's face. Slowly, he pulled up, releasing the pressure on his friend's neck and lowering his gun, allowing the red faced Tech gasp and suck in lungful's of air. Deeks pulled himself off of him and allowed Eric to scramble away.

Bewildered, Deeks looked at Eric then at his gun and then at Callen. "Err…what's going on?"

"You ok Eric?" Callen asked the winded computer whizz still sitting on the floor.

Eric just kept sucking up air like a beached whale, ignoring the question. A chagrined Sam leaned down to help him up while Nell hovered uncertainly.

Meanwhile, Deeks was looking increasingly confused, slowly scanning the area as if he wasn't sure where he was.

"You ok?" Kensi cautiously approached her partner, giving him plenty of time to notice her. Carefully she took his gun from him. Deeks didn't stop her. He was, Callen realised with consternation, still not fully awake.

"Yeah" Deeks gave his head a shake, trying to clear his head. "Yeah I think so….what happened?" Grimacing he rubbed his temples. "Why did I just have my gun pointed at Eric's face?"

"He, uh, surprised you" Kensi threw a glare over at the two idiots. "You were sleeping."

"Okay" Deeks drawled slowly still rubbing his temples and leaned against his desk.

"Is there any coffee?" Deeks asked hopefully, his eyes closed.

Hetty sighed.

Kensi quickly gave him Sam's coffee on his desk, looking rather disturbed. Callen exchanged glances with his partner who had helped Eric up at this stage and was muttering apologetically to the other man. Callen ran his eye over Eric, who seemed unharmed. A little sore and possibly bruised later, but basically fine.

"Not a really good idea to get so close to wake somebody up" Callen advised.

"I'll keep that in mind in the future" Eric muttered, sending a baleful glare in Sam's direction.

"You won't be doing it again Mr Beale" Hetty said severely. "It was exceedingly foolish. It is never a good idea to startle an armed man."

"Are you ok Eric?" Deeks called his voice unusually small and meek. He'd downed Sam's coffee and was looking a little more aware of his surroundings. Kensi hovered beside him, looking unusually worried for her irritating and boisterous partner.

"I now know that the floor is a lot harder than I've ever realised" Eric said sourly, wincing when he shifted.

"Sorry" Deeks said plaintively looking like a little kid who'd knocked over his elderly neighbour when fooling around and was trying to apologise. He looked pitiful.

"It's not your fault Deeks, he should have known better" Nell's hazel eyes were disapproving. "And they won't be doing it again, right?" from her expression, it was clear there was only one answer to this question. It was amazing how much she resembled Hetty at that moment.

"Not a chance" Eric agreed quickly, rubbing the back of his head.

"In that case" Hetty drew herself up, making them all stiffen "we have a job to do. Mr Deeks please freshen up and join us up in Ops in five."

Hetty shook her head as the team, like chastened children filed up the steps, Kensi casting a concerned glance over her shoulder at her zombie like partner trudging to the restrooms. Callen gave Hetty a look before forcing himself to jog up the steps.

X

At last, at long last, the case was over. The bad guys were arrested, the weapons retrieved and all that was left was the paperwork. Now the only thing Callen had left to do was to do battle against his boss.

"Hetty" Callen unceremoniously dumped himself into a chair in front of her desk.

"Mr Callen" Hetty looked up from her paperwork. "Excellent work today. It seems that arms operation was much larger than expected."

"You need to give us back the coffee" Callen cut to the chase. He sensed someone coming up behind him, but he knew it was just his partner.

Hetty blinked once, lazily. "I do?"

"G's right Hetty" Sam was firm.

Hetty raised her eyebrows. "I was under the impression you approved of the switch Mr Hanna."

Traitor. Callen's eyes flickered over to his partner who was standing beside him, arms at his sides.

"Hetty coffee's good to have during a case. I don't need more than a cup in the day. G needs more. A lot more. But he's not the problem."

Hetty's eyebrows rose still higher.

"You remember that week where Kensi swore off sweets during a case? That case where that Navy General got tangled in a drug heist?"

Callen cringed at the memory and Hetty grimaced, looking as though the taste of lemon was in her mouth. No sweets no sleep and that time of month….Kensi had snapped. A newbie requested a transfer by the end of the day. A low level gang banger they'd caught had broken out into a sweat before bawling like a baby after half a day in her presence. It had not been pretty.

"Kensi needs sugar, we all know that. But Deeks? He needs coffee. He almost shot Eric half asleep. And I am not working with him if he drinks Red Bull; he's like a kid on a sugar rush."

Callen had to agree. After this morning's unfortunate incident, Eric was avoiding the Detective who had apologised to the man about seven times. After drinking about three cans of energy drink Deeks had been completely wired, talking about twice as fast as normal, actually bouncing on his chair, fidgeting and speeding through evidence and paperwork with a frankly terrifying intensity. Kensi had taken to staring at him throughout the day; as if unsure he was her partner, while Sam had avoided his desk ever since the case closed, to spare himself the temptation of breaking the younger man's neck.

"Mr Deeks was called in last night for surveillance op by the LAPD last night" Hetty tapped her pen against the desk, disapproval colouring her tone. "A series of beatings near gay bars had been taking place during the last month. Mr Deeks went undercover in a bar where two men had been before they were attacked. He was there until 3am before the call from us at 3.43 having him come back here and fell asleep waiting for us."

"The PD took Deeks out of an active case with us; are they planning on doing that a lot?" Sam frowned.

"Rest assured I've already spoken to the LAPD" Hetty's face darkened. "And if they're going to be using Mr Deeks skills they'll have to clear it with me."

Sam and Callen exchanged smirks.

"I assume that's why his knuckles are bruised?" Kensi had noticed it when he'd returned from the bathroom but Deeks had been evasive about it.

"Mr Deeks does not have your training but he is very talented at his job" a smug note entered her voice. "He successfully caught the group's attention and subdued the three men when they followed him and tried to attack him. Apparently they felt gay men needed to learn a lesson about their sexual orientation." Her nose wrinkled in distaste. "Unfortunately, as you're both aware adrenaline does not have an off switch. Mr Beale made the mistake of startling him hours before he was fighting a group that wished him harm. Instincts are powerful things." She looked down her nose at the two men beside her. "Let that be a lesson to you all. I don't need to tell you that this morning is not to be repeated?"

"Done" Callen spoke for them. Eric aside, he'd been pretty impressed by the younger man's moves. Deeks was proving to be very good at surprising them. "Now about the coffee?"

Hetty sighed theatrically and a small smile pursed her lips. "The pot has already been filled."

Callen's eyebrows shot up.

"I'm capable of changing my mind. I'm not one to waste my time on a fruitless venture. I'll just have to come up with other ways of keeping my agents fit." Her eyes were gleaming.

Swallowing his apprehension, Callen nodded briskly. "On behalf of the team, thank you Hetty."

He was getting out of his chair when Hetty spoke again. "One of the problems of being a leader Mr Callen is that you must be aware of your teammate's strengths and weaknesses. I hope you've learned that this week."

Callen tilted his head at his partner who followed him back to up to Ops.

"D'you think she did this on purpose?" he asked in undertone, glancing behind him.

"With Hetty, who knows?" Sam muttered back, sotto voice. "She's been trying to get you to change your habits for years now."

"She's not the only one" Callen gave his partner a look. "And I wasn't the only one who had problems. Deeks and Kensi were just as bad."

"Maybe she was looking to see how we all reacted without coffee" Sam shrugged.

"I just hope she was kidding about interfering again" Callen muttered fervently. Sam snorted at that unlikelihood.

They paused, looking down at the bullpen. Kensi had one hand under her chin as she wrote out her report, her back tense as she glanced up at her partner every few moments. Currently, Deeks was powering through his compost pile of files and reports his inbox was always filled with. It was already half empty. Two cans of Red Bull were on his desk and Callen could see at least two more in his bin. Even from where they were, Callen could see the man was humming under his breath, almost vibrating in his seat.

The partners stood just outside of entering Ops, watching.

"Another addict" Sam muttered. He sounded tired.

"Kensi needs sugar, Deeks needs coffee" Callen murmured. Who knew that becoming the lead of a highly skilled covert team required him to act as a babysitter?

"No more energy drinks" Sam added, shaking his head. "If I see him with another Red Bull, I'm gonna shoot him."

"Kensi will probably hide the body for you" Callen chuckled as Deeks unerringly glanced upwards and gave a cheerful wave at the two of them. Kensi glanced up at them, her expression long suffering.

"He's worse than you without your coffee" Sam surveyed the younger agents.

"Well you learned something today" Callen grinned. "And Eric did too. I don't think he'll ever listen to you again."

"Yes he will" Sam grimaced. "Don't think he'll ever try and wake any of us again though. Which is good, 'cause you have a bad habit of trying to knock my teeth out when I wake you up."

"So stop waking me up" Callen flashed his partner a grin. "At least I don't pull my gun out. Deeks took you by surprise, didn't he?"

"He slept through Eric and Nell nattering about systematics and searches; how I was I supposed to know he'd take Eric down like a suspect?" Sam asked belligerently, though he looked embarrassed.

"Because he's a cop?" Callen grinned at his partner's discomfort. "And he's not a bad operator."

"He growing on you?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

Callen shrugged a shoulder. "Eh, like ringworm, right?" Sam snorted. "Besides he's got nothing on Kensi. She threw a knife at Cosby."

Sam shuddered. "Guy nearly pissed himself. Ink wasn't even dry before he hightailed it out of here back to DC."

Callen snickered. Cosby had been an ass and was the record holder for the fastest transfer request along the West Coast at NCIS. Unfortunately Gibbs back in DC had the highest and fastest transfer rates in the agency from several years ago. His record was something like less than three hours.

"So basically it's not a good idea to wake any of us up" Callen mused.

"Uh-huh. You addicts are menaces."

"Funny" Callen grinned wickedly. "You're the one that's gonna wake Deeks up next time. Now come on; I want to get some coffee after this."

"Addicts" Sam said disgustedly, following his partner into Ops. Why was he the only sane one with this lot?

A/N: weird I know. How is it I write stuff like this when I have several stories outstanding still to do? Sighs….Deeks is just fun to write with


End file.
